Adamma leaps the fence into the palace of the Emir of Onitsha. She looks to the left and to the right. It is the inside of the palace n’eziokwu. She looks at her left arm and left leg, then, her right arm and right leg. This is her inside the palace n’eziokwu. i am impressed at how she leapt over the tall majestic fence, sọ ya na onwe ya, without any help. i had underestimated the force of her propulsion when she took the leap from outside. i had planned for her to bounce off the electric fence with one of her feet before landing on the ground inside. i am super-proud of myself as she nods her head like the ngwele that had accomplished the impossible task of climbing up to the highest branch of the guava tree before jumping down unhurt.
“Ada nwa ngwa pekem pekem ya…” i sing to myself as she exaggeratedly wipes off imaginary dust from the red gele on her head, from her masked face, from her shiny, black long hair, and from her yellowish green costume.
“Ada ada iyooo…” i finish singing as she sways her hips and pats the fence.
“Hey! Stop there!” a fierce-sounding male voice shouts behind the masquerade.
Adamma freezes. She is still facing the fence but i can see from the hidden eyes at the back of her head that he is a red-beret guard. His finger is on the trigger of an automatic rifle. i can see that he is about fourteen feet away from her.
“Hands up!” he orders.
Adamma raises her arms in the air slowly.
“Turn around!” he orders again.
Adamma turns as slowly as she can.
“Kneel down!”
Adamma drops her knees to the ground.
It is as if the guard is mimicking the masquerade’s movement because he drops his right knee to the ground and aims his rifle a bit more threateningly.
Adamma is like a trapped mgbada being hunted by a crouching agu in the bush. As the aim of the rifle moves from her chest to her neck, i feel a lump in my throat.
“Who you be?” the guard asks as he aims at the masquerade’s head.
Little does he know that Adamma can’t talk. From his accent, i easily guess that he must be from ugwu-awusa.
“Who send you?” he asks with more irritation at the masquerade’s silence.
He must be wondering if the yamiri inside the female masquerade is deaf and dumb. Adamma tilts her head slowly to the left as she scans his face. His aim follows her head to the left. She straightens her head still slowly. His aim follows. She slowly tilts her head to the right. His aim follows slowly. She is about to straighten it when…
Vuuu… i hear the buzz of a bee hovering near her ear. i can’t risk putting the life a non-human in danger. So Adamma swings her arms to wave it away.
Gi gi gi… In the split second before the bullets from the guard’s rifle hit Adamma, i realise that what i had thought to be a bee was not a bee but an olobolo ijiji.
Vuururu… The big housefly falls to the ground on its back for about two seconds before it turns around. Adamma has been shot and is lying face down on the ground with her arms spread out. i smile as the olobolo ijiji flies off to safety.
“Shege banza!” the guard curses as he swiftly marches with four wide steps to where the masquerade lies. He kicks its two hands to be sure there are no weapons there.
Gi gi gi… He unloads more bullets into the upper left area of the masquerade’s back. He wants to send the foolish man to the world of the dead with more bullets to serve as a warning to others like him who may be foolish enough to contemplate disguising as masquerades to invade the palace of the Emir of Onitsha in the future.
“Abdullahi! E don do! E don die!” a second guard runs forward to touch him on the shoulder.
“Shege banza!” Abdullahi curses again at the masquerade as he kicks and spits on its body.
The second guard smiles. ‘Abdul would always be Abdul’ he concludes, shaking his head. The smile fades into a frown when he looks down at the masquerade that Abdullahi had gunned down. He can’t see blood on or near the body of the masquerade. He quickly swings his rifle to his back, squats beside the masquerade’s body and tries to push it. It is too heavy so he beckons on Abdullahi for help.
They both push the masquerade till its body turns faceup with its back to the ground. There is no blood. There are no bullet marks anywhere on its head or body. There is no hole anywhere in its colourful costume.
The two men look at each other, puzzled.
Abdullahi plants his knees on the shoulders of the masquerade and slips his hand to the sides of the mask on its face. He is more puzzled now. What he had thought was a mask, and which surely looked like a polished wooden mask, was attached so tightly to the head that there was no way to pull it off. He grabs the gele on the masquerade’s head, trying to yank it off. The gele too seems tightly attached to its hair and head. Abdullahi drops his buttocks to the ground, using his booted feet to wedge down both shoulders of the masquerade. He grabs the gele and hair with his left hand, hooks his right hand under the jaw of the masquerade and pulls with all his might.
At that same time, the second guard is using his hands to search the masquerade’s body. His hands slowly search the arms, the breasts, the belly, the hips, the laps down to its legs and feet. Its body feels human, to touch. However, the strangest thing is that the costume of this masquerade is stuck to its body as if it is its skin. When he tries to pull off its white gloves, it is stuck to its hands. When he tries to pull off its black socks, it is stuck to its feet.
The two men look at each other again. ‘What kind of masquerade is this?’ Both men wonder. They both rise up to grab its limbs. Abdullahi grabs its arms while the second guard grabs its legs. It is too heavy to be lifted off the ground. So the second guard lets go of its legs and moves beside Abdullahi. Abdullahi lets go of the masquerade’s right arm, leaving it for the second guard to hold with his two hands while he holds its left arm with his own two hands. They both drag the dead masquerade with its buttocks and legs grazing the ground. It takes great effort for them to drag it to the side of their security post where they dump it. Then they alert the other guards to come.
Two guards rush to meet them there. One is a heavily built man. He is the oldest amongst the four. The other is a slender young woman – the only female amongst them. Abdullahi and the second guard point to the body of the masquerade on the ground while they quickly narrate their observations to them.
Vuuu… Vuuu… The olobolo ijiji is buzzing near Adamma’s ear again. It perches on Adamma’s nose.
“Ginwa ọzọkwa?” i giggle as i make Adamma shoo it away from her face with a wave of her hands, then play dead again.
Abdullahi, the second guard, the oldest guard and the female guard watch the masquerade with their mouths hanging open in shock.
“Na juju!” the oldest guard explains to the others. “Make we use sand!” he orders.
They all quickly rush to the side of the fence to pick a handful of sand in their hands. Then, they all rub the sand on the muzzles of their rifles.
“Fire!” he orders.
Gi gi gi gi gi gi gi gi gi… They all shoot the masquerade.
“Odeshi!” i shout as the bullets bounce off Adamma’s body. She lies in a more carefree manner with her hands behind her head. i am laughing, thoroughly enjoying myself.
The oldest guard winks at the female guard and the other men give her a knowing look.
She smiles in understanding. She immediately turns her back to the male guards. She loosens her belt, dips her hand into her underwear and sticks her fingers into her privates. She shuts her eyes and wills urine out of her bladder. Then she pulls out her slightly cupped fingers and rubs the urine on the muzzle of her rifle. She also rubs the same hand on the muzzles of the other three rifles before they all march closer to the masquerade where it now lies with its face up.
Gi gi gi gi gi gi gi gi gi gi gi gi gi gi… The guards shoot at it pointblank till they almost exhaust the bullets in their cartridges.
The masquerade raises its head sharply, spreads out it arms violently and collapses finally.
“Alhamdulilahi!” the oldest guard shouts with glee. While celebrating, they get a whiff of a strange smell around them. It smells like…
They all lose consciousness and slump to the ground.
“Odeshi nwanne!” i shout, laughing long and hard.
Adamma sits up as she looks at the guards sprawled on the ground around her. She gets on all fours with her hands directly below her shoulders and her knees directly below her hips. She begins to move her back up and down in a dance. She continues her dance as she lifts her hands off the ground and sits on her heels. She keeps dancing as she slowly rises to her feet. i know that the cameras are focused on her. i ignore the dummy CCTV cameras mounted on the walls and turn her face towards one of the real hidden cameras.
i make her tilt her head left and right as she looks into all three hidden cameras. i am putting up this show for the police and all the other security agents who are watching. A chọrọ m ka ha malu that the masquerade knows that they are watching. A chọrọ m ka ha malu that the masquerade wants them to watch.
Adamma dances as she bends over the female guard and picks up her rifle. She dances to the male guards and picks up all their rifles too. She removes all their magazines, drops them on the ground before flinging the rifles away. She suddenly glides away from the security post to the main house, her feet moving as if she is skating on rollerblades.
i make her glide so fast that it appears to the hidden cameras as if she disappeared from the security post and reappeared at the door of the main building of the palace. She runs up the stairs with the same neck-breaking speed and arrives at the study of the Emir himself. It has an automated bulletproof door without a handle. She places her hand on its fingerprint scanner.
The Emir looks wide-eyed in shock as the door to his study slides open. He doesn’t know whether he should be shocked that somebody other than him has unlocked his automated bulletproof door, or whether he should be more shocked that that somebody is a funny-looking female masquerade.
“Ewooo!” he jumps off his chair to the floor facedown. He isn’t sure if this is real or an ajọ nlọ. He can’t tell if this masquerade is human or an ajọ mmụọ. This is his private space. Not even his favourite wife can gain access into this study. This study is soundproof and windowless. Not even the air could blow into this room without his permission.
i make Adamma dance-walk to the spot where the Emir lies shaking. i make her look down at him and bend to pat his head as if he is a scared little boy and not a man of forty-eight.
‘Ọ nyuọ mamịrị ọku o!’ i say to myself in wild laughter as i see urine spreading under his crotch area on the floor.
Adamma dance-walks towards the corner of the study where the walls meet. There is a terrarium the size of a microwave oven fixed into the corner there. She carefully lifts the terrarium and hugs it to her chest. The wall-gecko inside is wagging its tail. It is clearly feeling threatened. i make Adamma rock the terrarium like a baby as she dances slowly with it out of the room.
As soon as she gets back outside the main building, i make her glide with speed to the security post, drop the terrarium slowly to the ground near the wall, carefully lift off its cover and dip her hand into it. As expected, the wall-gecko avoids her hand and crawls quickly up the glass and out of the terrarium for the first time since it was locked up inside there two years ago.
“Agu-unọ bye-bye!” i say, with tears of joy filling my eyes.
i make Adamma wave at the wall-gecko as it crawls up the wall and disappears into a hole.
i make Adamma dance an ancient dance; she swings her arms till the back of her hands land on her lower back then she begins to move her elbows frontwards and backwards.
She keeps dancing that way from the security post to the fence before she looks up and leaps out of the palace of the Emir of Onitsha the same way she had come in.
